OK actually going crazy right now...near the end of my already frayed emotional rope. the tension in my back and neck is killing me along with my normal every day I'm alive pain.

Dad is on a ventilator and while this caused his vitals to go to a much healthier place numbers wise, I just can't take seeing him like that. It hurts sooooooooo much, and he was asking about my ring, not remembering that he gave it to me, but wanted my locket which has a picture of him and my mom in it. I didn't even have the stomach to deal with the phelm that he was coughing up (out of his mouth for the first time) without gagging, and that hurt too. It isn't his fault that my stomach did back flips at the sight and smell. What's wrong with me I've done this for years with him and others I just couldn't take it and then i made myself stay longer. Good thing I haven't eaten today. Maybe I'll go and get drunk...ya that sounds good.

To any one who gives a shit...sorry but i don't care about anything except making this pain stop, by any stupid means (don't wanna try the smart ones)