The rigors of reality

I woke up this morning at 6am...ready for a workout. Mind and muscles said “hey it’s morning lets go swim.” Funny how you do something for so long that no matter what something in you just keeps going. I have watched training partners attain their dreams, our dreams. I know the pain and sweat that took them to Australia, Greece and soon China, but it isn’t something I can do anymore...or so my body tells me. But every once in a while I wake up early in the morning just ready to go with muscles that are restless and jumpy at the same time and they won’t be settled just by stretching, they want to feel chill of cold water, they want to feel the burn of work. God, I wish that I could oblige them.

The other end of reality this morning was that there isn’t a pool to swim in this early, on a Sunday. My muscles can’t keep up with the pace my brain sets. And I still have a fever and congestion in my chest, so cold water is just me begging for hypothermia or pneumonia. So I sit here drinking water and gatorade hoping to break the fever. I do plan to start swimming in April, not to compete but to get the itch out of my muscles and see if I can’t get my weight down to a decent number.

I hope that my body is as ready in April, as it was this morning.

OK, so Life is moving at its own strange and fast pace. I scramble to keep up, and then beg to slow down. When it does finally decide to slow down, something horrible happens and there is magically more stuff on my plate than there was the time before.

So fuck it, keep the fast pace going so long as not more shit gets tossed on my plate. I have no time for friends, or family (well family that I want to see anyway, and spend the majority of my time on a computer for one reason or another.

My total so far for the year is seven funerals...i feel that this number is a bit high. People rush in and I quickly push them out, for fear of my temper going off on them, though they would deserve it.

The only thing making me smile lately are the adventures of a rubber duck...yup a duck in Arizona, who posts to his blog about his adventures...like going to Red Robin. How did my life get so low that I envy a little yellow duck? But at the same time Duck makes me smile, so I guess that is what matters, check him out at ducktoday.com and let me know if he is funny or my life has just really gotten that low.

Other than that i should be out for most of the weekends of Southern faire, but I will be taking some time away from life....very very soon.

completely nuts at this point, totally stressed out and no escape in sight.

I get to enjoy talking to people but not actualy having contact with them. I need hugs and to be touched, this is going to drive me crazier than all of the crap going on.

Long story short, losts of fighting, lots of death and sickness, some surgeries and recoverings. Inspections and bad results and having no place to go.

ok, I give up.